I’m looking for something. I don’t know if it’s a who, what, when, where, or how, I only know why; it is an insatiable desire of my soul. This mess of knotted wood and nails is only driftwood without sails and without hope… I don’t care where my compass points, only that it points me towards home and that home will be worth the days I spent lost at sea. - Rad

A black spruce torching out on the Boundary fire, Fairbanks Alaska 2004.

Gorgeous, terrifying, illegal hike.  Those are the best kind.


September 28, 11:44 pm

I want to believe the fierce winds of my emotions have settled, and that maybe the ocean of our affections are just coming to a calm, but it scares me that we might have just been smoke and mirrors, and we’re dissipating into the atmosphere. I am very afraid that you are tired of me, despite your best efforts not to be. I feel as if you want to feel all those things that you promised, but they’re slowly losing their meaning, the way the moon loses its shape. I wanted more than this. The passion of us used to be red hot, but now we’re just lukewarm pleasantries and stale conversations. Tell me you wanted more too.

Tell me you want me, even when the adventure of us is at a stand still. Tell me you want me, even when we can feel every mile between us. Tell me you want me, even when all there is left is a conversation at the end of day. 

I need you to tell me you want that, because I can’t give you anything else.

I’m just a heart that trembles and a voice that shakes, you don’t want something like me. I’ve got a self-destruct button. I’m going to break, and I don’t want the weak foundation of me to break you too.

Leave me before I do.

This quiet is the calm before the storm, and I just want you to be safe.




My parents playing soccer in Australia in 1992

Ugh. This movie.